It’s been a while since I uploaded an episode, or even posted a blog. I apologize for that. Between the difficulties I’ve had getting interviews on sensitive subjects for a still untested podcast, and the general positive busyness my days have been filled with, The Everyday Fray has taken a back seat.
But during my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy group, we talked about the concept of intolerance of uncertainty – and the use of exposures to conquer how that builds into anxiety. One of my anxiety triggers is unscripted speaking. Much of what you’ll hear from me on podcasts or videos, outside of interviews, is very clearly written out. There may be some adlibbing as I go, and corrections on the fly, but it’s largely scripted. This week’s Everyday Fray Podcast episode was recorded with only notes about points and the progression I wanted to take – the rest is entirely unscripted.
In this personal episode, I share with you the story of remembering ‘the summer I was sick,’ as I’ve referred to it; it was the summer that my anxiety peaked when I was 18, and I developed agoraphobia, depression sank in, and my life took a downward turn. It was also the summer that Everclear’s Songs From An American Movie Vol. 1 came out, and on it, the track that has followed me in all of the ups and downs since then, Learning How to Smile.
For a long time, when the summer humidity reached its zenith, the days started to get a little shorter, and thunderstorms became daily, that song plays, and I’d wonder if I’d ever fall back that place, and if I did, if I’d ever be able to claw my way back out.
Join me on this recollection of my journey, as an August thunderstorm triggered the memory – and yes, the thunderstorm you can hear in the background of the episode is from that day.